Let’s be honest: Starbucks is the McDonald’s of coffee. Sure, it’s everywhere, it’s convenient, and it’ll keep you caffeinated — but if you actually like coffee, it’s one of the worst places you could go. And yet millions of people line up every morning to pay five pounds for the average coffee to be brewed using drain water by a barista on a come down from the night before. By the end of this article, if you are not convinced to go support local, you must be in the lowest bands of IQ.
Beans Roasted in Hell
Starbucks coffee tastes like someone roasted the beans in a crematorium, who then passed them to the devil personally to roast for another 24hr hours before shipping to your local branch. That “signature flavour” is just code for “scorched.” They do it on purpose, so your bitter latte in New York tastes exactly the same as your bitter latte in Tokyo. Consistency, sure. But it’s consistently awful. Meanwhile, most people are not aware of all the different flavour profiles coffee has to offer. Most people assume all coffee tastes bitter and if your taste buds never mature, then coffee just "isn't for you". However, a trip down to your local cafe could offer a new experience. Depending on where the coffee is grown geographically, you can experience a whole host of flavour. Most commonly, Chocolate, citrus, nutty, berries and honey.
Barista Robots Vs Left-Wing Coffee Nerds
Starbucks baristas aren’t nerdy enough, like many, Starbucks is a reputable brand on the CV whilst you fund your way through education. However, most of them do not know about the coffee they make and the science behind the perfect cup. However, you are in luck, I have coined a non-official way to know how good a barista is. Based on the extensive theory of Maslow's hierarchy of Needs, comes the hierarchy of barista's. At the bottom you have tatoos on the arm all the way up to septum piercings, hairy arm-pits and coloured hair. In this case weirder the better. Only then will you have someone measuring the amount of beans ground and ensuring your flat white has art on the top.
The Beehive of False Work
Every Starbucks looks the same: beige walls, safe playlists, pumpkin spice posters in autumn. It is a sterile environment where everyone needs to have a laptop open doing nothing, hence explaining the desire to get take-away. Local coffee shops, on the other hand, are weird and wonderful. Maybe it’s a cozy hole-in-the-wall with mismatched furniture, or a old police box in Edinburgh. Either way, it actually feels like a place with soul and character.
You’re Paying Luxury Prices for Mediocre Coffee
Here’s the scam: Starbucks charges above artisan prices for factory-grade coffee. You’re paying more for the logo on the cup than the coffee inside. At a local shop, you can get something that was roasted a week ago, ground fresh, and brewed with care for around £3.75. Every pound you spend at Starbucks is another pound that doesn’t go to your local roaster, baker, or barista who’s trying to keep a small business alive. Do you really want to live in a world where every street corner looks exactly the same? Support local, or don’t be surprised when Starbucks is the only option left — and your latte still tastes like ashes.